The Savage

You may think 

this is a thing I often do...

Blindly following

A complete stranger

Across all that 

gray, green and blue...

But to me,

all this was new... 

Or you may think 

I did  it 

just this once,

Because I craved 

the adventure...

the unknown...

And that may have been 

Partially true.

But only

at the beginning... 

and only maybe,

Because normally,

I would have sobered up...

Long before the end of 

the second night spent 

in your arms...

Long before I started feeling

like I was floating,

weightless among the stars...

That I didn't, 

come to my senses,

made this special.

The savage had me 

All tied up, 

And for once in my life,

Actually enjoying the thrill... 

For once in my life, 

I knew I would fall hard...

But I didn't hide from the pain.

With meaningless flirtations or  with disdain...

I just faced it all, head on.

So either this time was different...

Or I must be going insane!

Euphoria

For a minute there, I actually forgot,

That the magic almost always wears off...

For a minute there, I felt complete,

Invincible in the face of defeat...

Falling First

Wish I could stay cocooned in your arms,

Only feeling adventurous and alive,

And not worried about tomorrow in the least...

Wish I could just enjoy the safety of your touch,

Only feeling carefree and unafraid,

And not counting the seconds, to my next epic heartbreak...

But I know it's coming and it's gonna hurt.

Always does, when I think later and fall first.

Fotoğraf

Fotoğraflara sarılacak kadar çok severdik bir zamanlar...

Gözlerine bile bakamadan titrerdi içimiz,

Aşk düştüğü zaman oraya, kuş gibi uçup gitmez,

Herşeyi kül edene dek cayır cayır yakardı o zamanlar.

Bugünkü gibi değildi bir zamanlar aşklar. 

Saman alevi gibi kısa ömürlü,

Kuşlar gibi kaçmaya meyilli...

Kül olduktan sonra bile geçmezdi tehlikesi aşkın...

korları yeterdi yürekleri alevler içinde kavurmaya.

O yüzdendi zaten fotoğraflara sarılmak...

Uzaktan severken, sevdiklerimizi ateşten böyle korurduk,

Yanacaksak derdik, bir biz yanalım bir de sarıldığımız fotoğraf.

Yangın büyüse de, alevleri ona sıçramasın, 

Değmesin orman bakışlara ne duman, ne is, ne de ateş...

Yeter ki hayat onları kirletemesin, 

Ellemeden bıraksın, hatıralarımızdaki gibi...

saf ve temiz.

İnanı

Dayanıklı, bir defne gibi...

Bileceksin ki dallarına tutunduğunda 

kopmayacaklar teker teker,

Yemyeşil yapraklarını ilk fırtınada dökerek 

Hayata karşı pes etmeyecek...

Huzura ihtiyacın olduğundaysa

Heybetli bir çınar gibi,

Gölgesinde dinlenebileceksin uzun uzun...

Kaya gibi sert dikilebilecek gün gelince,

Seni üzenlerin karşısına, seninle tek yürek.

Yüreğin yanarken onunki de yanacak seninle,

Çam kozalakları gibi alev alev...

Sonra tatlı bir meltem gibi yumuşak esip

Yaralarını saracak senin birer birer.

Sana dokunuşu şifalı ve arındıran...

En karanlık gününde,

Işıl ışıl parlayan kuzey yıldızın,

En yorucu gününde,

Kaçıp saklanabildiğin sığınağın olacak.

Hesapsız, kitapsız....

Karşılıksız sevecek seni.

Dostun gerçeği böyle birşey.

Fal

Papatya falları bile usandılar benden,

Bana onun için "seni sevmiyor" demekten...

Bir ben bıkamadım, ona soramadıklarımı 

bir umut, 

belki bugün cevap değişir diye diye

bıkkın papatyalara sorup, onlardan mucize dilemekten...

İslam: Kardeşlik Dini(!)

Kabahati başkalarında aramak hep Müslümanlara has bir yaklaşım nedense... Hep bir fakir edebiyatı, hep bir düşman üzerinden siyaset, hep savaş hep şiddet... Birilerini kafir veya şeytan ilan etmeden destek görememe korkusu... Hep kendi başarısızlıklarımız ve eksiklerimizi örtmek için başkalarının zayıf noktalarını bulup ifşa etme çabası...

Diyelim ki haklısınız(haklıyız) ve hep birileri müslümanların hakkını yedi, müslümanları katletti... (Ki değiliz, tarih boyunca müslümanların zarar görmediği ne katliamlar var, saymakla bitmez) Müslümanların haksızlığa uğramış olması gelişimlerine, başarılarına, önlerindeki engelleri bir bir, medeni bir şekilde aşmalarına engel mi? Niçin teknolojik gelişimlerde, ya da tıpta ilerlemeler onlardan da çıkmasın? Bana Osmanlı dönemini örnek göstermeyin.. Üstünden 100 yıl geçmiş, o günden bugüne ne yapılmış, ordan gelin gelebiliyorsanız... Niçin Müslümanlar'ın yaşadıkları ülkelerde, çoğunluk oldukları yerlerde bile yaşam kaliteleri başkalarına kıyasla düşük olsun?

ya da şöyle soralım... Müslüman ülkelerde barış dönemlerindeki hayat kalitesini Hristiyan ülkeler ve Barış zamanı İsrail'deki hayat kalitesi, eğitim düzeyi ve bireylere gösterilen saygıyla karşılaştırdığımızda aradaki farkı nasıl açıklayacağız, kendimize dürüst olursak? 

ABD'ye kızıyoruz, zenginleri Afrika ülkelerinin milli gelirinin tamamından yüksek yıllık vergi ödüyorlar, yok efendim kahrolsun kapitalizm... 

Peki Sudi Arabistanda, İran'da, Suriye'de zenginler, şeyhler vs. varını yoğunu, Petrol gelirlerini kendi ülkeleri ve komşu ülkelerindeki müslüman kardeşlerine heba edip kendi yemeyip, mağdur halkına mı yediriyor, yoksa kendi çocuklarını o beğenmediğiniz ABD'ye okuma bahanesiyle yollayıp altlarına 40 yaş bunalımında alınacak cinste Ferrari, Porsche ve Maserati marka arabalar ve yine dudak uçuklatan fiyatlara parayla satın alınmış diplomalar mı alıyorlar? Ondan sonra arta kalanı da terör örgütleri arasında paylaştırıyorlar mı, paylaştırmıyorlar mı?

Hani müslümanlar daha iyiydi? Hani müslümanlar kardeşti? Birbirini sahiplenirdi? Hani kötülük ötekiydi?

Daha alevisi, sunnisi kendi aralarında birbirini katletmeden duramazken bana müslümanlık kardeşlik dinidir dendiğinde hiç kusura bakmayın, doğal olarak komik olmaya çalıştığınızı düşünüyorum...

Ya da açık açık kardeş katilliğini savunuyorsunuz "Bu gelenek bizlere Adem ve Havva'nın çocuklarından miras kaldı" diyerek?

Exposed...

You know some things need real fixing 

when you eventually realize, 

that most of your favorite people in the world, 

are those you intentionally kept,

far far away, especially from yourself, 

either for fear of tainting them somehow, 

or because they might actually get to know, 

the real you, just a little bit more,

and consequently not like, 

what lurks underneath

without all your daily primping, 

colorful & theme-specific misleading accoutrements, 

and all your other time-thieving enhancements, 

just a whisper of a touch, of your favorite soft lighting, 

and your countless well-rehearsed masks, 

to tirelessly hide behind!

Buz Gibi

Öylesine soğumuş ki şu küskün kalbim,

Yarın aşk gelip çalsa, dostlarımın bile unuttuğu kapımı, 

Eritemeyecek, artık kök salmış buzlarımı, 

Görebiliyorum...

Hissetmek aşkı doya doya,

Bir nefes kadar yakınken bile,

Adeta Buzlar Kraliçesi gibi mantıklı, fakat yapayalnız,

Üşümekmiş benim kaderim,

Daha yeni yeni anlıyor,

Daha yeni yeni ağlıyorum...

Karanlığın Gölgesinde

Bazıları karanlıktan korkar... 

Karanlık çöktüğünde kalabalıkta kaybolmaktan, 

İsteyip de görünememekten...

Yıldızların loş parıltısı yetmez  

gürültülü gecelerini aydınlatmaya,

Tüm dikkatleri üzerlerine çekip,

Maskelerini parlatmaya...

Bazılarıysa alışır karanlığa zamanla...

Soğuk ve karlı bir gecede, 

battaniye misali sarmalayışına alışır.

Onlarıysa aydınlık korkutur ölesiye.

Karanlıkta kolaylıkla gizledikleri duygular

Aydınlığa boğulup bir bir ortaya dökülmesin diye

Ne bir mum yakarlar, ne de gece lambası...

Zifiri karanlık  gecelerde.

Ellerinden gelse gündüzleri bile 

Gecenin karanlığına boğarak yaşarlar.

Gözden hep uzak.

Sessizce.

Breakable

If ever given the choice,

Between breaking my heart,

And breaking my spirit,

Please just pick my heart,

For there's no doubt,

That of those two,

She's the only one,

That might survive it.

She's already a pro at healing...

Though battleworn and gun-shy

She still fights to keep feeling... 

Whereas my weary & tattered spirit,

feels more and more fragile 

with each unremarkable day that goes by.

More fragile and delicate 

than an antique porcelain doll... 

Too easy to break, 

and that much harder to fix.

"Dinsiz"

İnsanları sürekli birtakım kalıplara sığdırmaya uğraşırsanız onları asıl sizler bölmüş olursunuz, ne Tayyip Erdoğan'a ne "Occupy" ne de başka örgütlere gerek kalmaz bu durumda... Ben Ateist değilim.. fakat olabilirdim. Ateist olana da, Kabalist olana da saygım en az "Elhamdullillah Müslümanim" diyenlere olduğu kadar çoktur. Bu saygıyı da askıya almak zorunda kaldığım nokta ise beni kendi inançlarına çekmek için proproganda yapmaya başladıkları nokta olur. Bu hissim ne hristiyan, ne müslüman, ne putperest için değişmez. Ben senin inancına saygılı olmak için elimden geleni yaparım...

Ama sen bunu suistimal edip beni inanmadığım halde çarşaflara mahkum edeceksen, veya senin dininde et-balık vs. yemek yasak diye beni vejeteryan olmaya zorlayacaksan (bazı hindu dinlerinde sırf domuz değil, hayvan eti tümden yasaktır mesela), ya da "alkol, seks haram" deyip beni tadında keyif almayi bildiğim ve belki vazgeçmek istemeyeceğim hayatın bazı ufak tefek zevklerinden bir bir mahrum bırakacaksan o noktada sana olan saygımı kaybedersin... Çünkü haram dediğin de günah dediklerin de senin inancin. Benim değil.

Polis Yemini ironisi...

Yemin -shared on Youtube by Burak Kum (Kanka Film Yapim)


Bu video için yanlı diyenlere bir cevabım olacak...

Eksik bile olmus, polislerin marketlerin kapı ve camlarını tekmeleyerek indirdikleri, ev ve arabaların camlarını kırıp oradan içeri gaz attıkları görüntüler var.. Saf AKP'li de hala dine edilen küfür diye kuzu gibi meeee-liyor! Evet kardesim, ben dinsizim... ama 7-8 yasimdan sonra hayatimda kimseye dindar diye farkli davranip saygisizlik etmedim. O yaşlarda da tek yaptiğım Luna Park'taki simsiyah çarşaflı Kadınları görünce "karaböcek" diyerek çarpışan arabalarda onları hedef seçmekti.. Bu yaptığımdan gurur duymuyorum elbet, ama çocuktum, ve kendimden farklı olan beni korkuttuğu içindi tepkim.. tıpkı bugün sizlerin bizlerden korkusu gibi... 

Bu beni yetişkin yaşımda ayrımcı veya terörist yapmaya yeterliyse öyleyim kardeşim. Ama unutmayın ben korkularımı sizleri yakından tanımaya açık olmaya çalısıp, katılmasam da aşırı bulduğum inancınıza saygı göstermeyi öğrendim... Babamın cenazesinde istemesem de saygısızlık olmasın diye başımı bile örttüm, bana son derece ters ve saçma geldiği halde... Peki sizin toleransınız şimdi nerede? Başörtü takma hakkını demokrasi adı altında isterken eşitliğimizi savunan sizler, niçin bugün bizleri böcek gibi ilaçlarla yoketmeye, kaçırmaya, susturmaya çalışıyorsunuz?

Response to Fatma Aygun mentioned in a NY Times Article dated June 16th...

“This whole thing is not as bad as it looks,” Fatma Aygun, 33, said. “It is just a game of the foreign media.”

She added, “Things will be back to normal in three to four days. Taksim will look like this: happy, colorful and festive. We are the majority, and we will make sure of it.”

                                             The New York Times -Front Page Photo                                                                                                               

The New York Times Article From June 16th: Turkey Expands Violent Reaction to Street Unrest

*****************

REALLY FATMA? were you "present" during any of those protests? did you get to watch them from a nearby building? or did you get gassed for carrying a Turkish flag and hanging out at the park while the crowds sang songs? did the police attack you or kick you for having an opinion and not keeping it to yourself? did people who are not even police attack you with sticks, stones and knives, while many police officers just stood by and watched, glad someone was finally doing something violent to shut you up?

did you even watch any of the channels that showed what truly happens out on those streets, or look at some of the photos taken by protestors and/or onlookers that showed how viciously the police was attacking everyone? (you may have become the majority since after your "precious Prime Minister" told you to have 3 kids, your people who were already on the breeding-train probably started breeding like crazy, popping out anywhere from 3 to 10 kids per marriage, while the rest of the population mostly choses to only have as many kids as they can afford to decently and responsibly care for, in this day and age... but that's a whole other story and not worth getting in an argument over at this very moment...)

but even if you were/are the majority, that does not give you the right to trample over the rights of the rest of the population... or pretend that their grievances are not real and therefore can and should be ignored. This country was and always will be OURS, at least as much as it has been yours. You, do not have the right to exterminate us like you would mosquitos or vermin, with your endless supply of pepper spray, other gasses and water cannons that spray water diluted with unknown and hazardous chemicals... until we're too tired or scared or too broken to speak up. 

The Turkish government is ignoring and possibly even encouraging police brutality and "they" are keeping the truth about demonstrations from the Turkish people!!!

Please spread the word about what's going on here in Turkey... We need all the international news coverage we can get on this issue.. (twitter: #occupygezi...)

Just like I had last night, I thought I would try distributing masks (unfortunately not gas masks, but those bought from a hardware store) and water to the brave protesters walking and surviving along Barbaros Bulvari, Akaretler and in the roads that remained open in the direction of Taksim tonight. Police had shut down the main road with barricades and they were attacking the crowds with gas and gassed water in order to get them to scatter into less populated side-roads, where other cops dressed to blend in with civilians could also gas and trap them from both sides, so they would have nowhere to run… there were too many cops dressed as civilians in order to trick people to separate from the large groups possibly so they can be detained and beat up more easily and without witnesses. I witnessed one civilian cop step out of the dark blue car in front of me, open his trunk and start shooting with a gun that seemed to be loaded with gas. (The containers in the trunk were cylinder shaped and had light blue and orange stickers/packaging but I can’t say for certain if they were “Agent Orange” like some people have been saying it might be)

I had to sit there and watch him attack people, since he was blocking the road. When I grabbed my phone thinking I should at least get a picture of this, two uniformed officers that had at least 10 more (in close range) as back-up started hitting my car, signaling me to move along. Maybe they didn’t say “Don’t take photos, if you do you’ll be sorry” but their actions spoke volumes and I was too scared to even attempt to take those pictures I was contemplating…

Right in front of my eyes, cops that were conveniently protected with shields, and gas masks were forcing the large groups of protestors to scatter in all directions where other cops dressed like civilians helped trap them and keep them under fire from both directions… The only crime these kids had committed was to show up in Besiktas carrying Turkish flags while wearing masks to reduce exposure to the tear gas that has been fired almost non-stop over the last couple days. The sad thing is, I noticed that a lot of the street lights had been turned off, probably by the powers that be… so that our phone cameras won’t be able to capture most of what’s going on in the area… It seems they don’t want us to have proof of what the government is doing to its own citizens… They want to be able to say where’s your proof and since it’s too dark to capture anything without a professional camera and maybe even a camera crew and lights, the government thinks they can deny what’s happening. Please, lets all share our personal experiences with people that aren’t as familiar with social media. Let’s tell them what’s happening out there since our media refuses to. Lets have everyone talk about their personal experiences so our voices can be heard all over the world. Maybe then, “certain people” will finally understand HE CAN NOT SHUT US UP, HE WILL NOT SHUT US DOWN!

Berrak Bora

17

O gaz siktiklarin militan degil, terorrist de degil!

"Gelismis ulkeyiz biz de, Avrupa Birligi'ne uye olmak hakkimiz" diye ahkam keserdik bir zamanlar... Dunyanin hangi gelismis ulkesinde ulkenin kendi polisi kendi vatandasina bu kadar dusmanca saldirir? Hangi gelismis ulkede siyasetciler ciglik cigliga bagiran halkin seslerine kulaklarini bu kadar kallesce ve utanmazca tikamaya devam eder? Ortalik inledi "Tayyip istifa!" diye... serefli(!) basbakanimiz daha vatandasina ne bir aciklama yapti ne ozur diledi... Hos Reyhanli'dan sonra vicdani sizlamayanin bugun sizlamasini bekledigimiz icin bizler safiz belki de... Diktatorlerin bile eninde sonunda birilerine hesap vermek zorunda kaldiklari bir devirde yasiyoruz, hadi ondan korkmuyosun ove ove bitiremeyip bogazimiza tikamaya calistigin cok kiymetli Allah'indan da mi korkmazsin be adam?!... daha ne kadar bu milleti uyutmaya, uyutamadiginiysa susturmaya calisacaksin, hem de bu kadar hain ve yuzsuzce? Ben daha dogmamistim, buyurken dinledigim hikayeler yetiyor utandirmaya, icimi sizlatmaya ... Sen ki bu ulkenin gecmisini, darbeleri, vs. yasamis biri olarak bu manzaralardan hala mi utanmiyorsun? O gaz siktiklarin militan degil, terorrist de degil! Hepsi akli basinda insanlar... profesorunden tut doktoruna, sanatcisindan siyasetcisine, ogretmeninden ogrencisine Taksim'de sana DUR diye tek yurek ve tek ses olmus direniyorlar... Utan biraz artik! Lutfen bir yerlerden bir vicdan bul ve kullan ki UTAN!!

"Occupy Taksim" in the News...

https://twitter.com/search?q=%23occupytaksim&src=hash

Book Review: HDU by India Lee, A fun and sweet, if slightly(!) unrealistic smalltown goes hollywood(or in this case NYC) story.

Just like the Cinderella of this story Amanda, author India Lee has a fun, fresh and youthful voice in this story that takes a mostly average but fiercely loyal and unfairly treated smalltown girl through the adventure of her life as she concocts a crazy plan to become famous for nothing with the help of her virtual friend, fellow website moderator and undiscovered filmmaker friend Ian, that she just recently met after they've both had personal setbacks.

The story had fun twists and Amanda though sometimes frustrating (especially in how long it took her to figure out that the hollywood bad boy she loved to hate was in fact a stand up guy, and the one she lusted after -Dylan- was a spineless *ahem* f*cktard, or "douchelord" as Amanda once used to call her ironically charming leading man Liam... ) most of the time she is loveable, gullible, sweet and an amazing friend... I'm looking forward to the second book in which I'm hoping Ian finally gets clean and gets a happy ending of his own... and please make sure "the b/w itch" (you know who I mean) finally gets exposed for the sadistic and shallow monster she is... ( just remembered there are two of those in this story!) so I'm hoping to watch both of them fall from grace painfully while onlookers either cheer loudly or help the fall along with totally deserved punches and kicks to speed their just as well deserved downfalls in the upcoming second book. This one managed to entertain quite successfully... Let's hope the next one doesn't disappoint either!

İroni

Doğanın çok acımasız ve karanlık
bir espiri anlayışı olduğunu farkediyor insan
yılları yasadıkça, canı yandıkça, hayatı tanıdıkça...
Sevgiyi, sevmeyi gerçekten becerebilenler
nedense hep zamansız, erkenden ölüme,
bir türlü beceremeyenlerse,
çoğu zaman uzuuun uzun ve sevgisiz yaşamaya,
sonbaharda dökülen kurumuş yapraklar gibi cansız,
yapayalnız, fırtınalar koparken sağlı sollu, tutunacak dalsız,
her gün azar azar ölürken, veda edebilenleri imrenerek seyretme eziyetine mahkumlar...
Ne hikmetse...
Hayat bu, ironik işte böyle.
Cevabını bilebilecek birini bulursam günlerden birgün,
ona sormak istediğim tek bir soru var:
"Niye?"
-Tabi zahmet edip, dürüstçe bana cevabını verebilecekse...

Defiled

When a new place 
feels unclean or unsafe, 
you can always leave it 
and go somewhere else... 
To feel safe. 

When another person 
makes you feel unclean or unsafe, 
you can choose to stay away 
and feel safe once again... 

But when it's your own skin 
that feels unclean or unsafe, 
there is nowhere left to run or hide... 
No matter how many showers you take, 
or tears you shed, 
to wash away those stubborn stains... 

You'll always have the echos 
of memories left behind, 
haunting you, 
like faded or removed tattoos... 
that only you can see, 
because you still know,
where they used to be...

COMPLICATIONS

Why do our wishes and goals,
And the very occasional
answered prayers,
So often disappoint,
As soon as they're reached?

Why is it that life,
Just can't ever be peaceful?
And how come love,
Just never stays simple?

Book Review: Avoiding Responsibility, by K.A. Linde

Though not as powerful as the first book in the Avoiding Series (Avoiding Commitment), Avoiding Responsibility is a gripping continuation of Lexi's story. The book picks up around the time of Jack (the ultimate aSShole)'s bachelor party and other wedding related festivities, after Ramsey and Lexi have been together on an off for almost a year. The now familiar time jumps are still there, only now we're going back and forth between the present day and the first time Lexi met (but didn't remember meeting) Ramsey...

Book Review: Sins & Needles - Dark, action-packed and dangerously sexy...

Sins and Needles, by Karina Halle is a refreshing twist on the typical part adult romance, part bdsm stories we're so used to reading lately, where only the hero or the heroine is broken... you know those stories where one is innocent and wide-eyed beyond belief and full of compassion while trying to help heal the other... the broken one. Here, we have two severely broken leads, (three, if we count Ellie's dangerous and volatile ex, who's always present somewhere in the back of our minds, throughout the story/chase) 

Okuze ot da versen orkide de versen yapmayi tek bildigi sey cigneyip gevis getirmek!!!

"Pes! Mes! ... Kalibimi basarim bizim yobazlarin "tahrik edici" diye adlandiracagi ve tartismasiz elestirecegi hatta Cehennem'i reva gorecek kadar tepkili karsilayacaklari, o kadar ciplakliga ragmen, daha nadir tecavuz/kadina siddet olaylarina rastlaniyodur Fransizlarin bu sehrinde... Okuze ot da versen orkide de versen yapmayi tek bildigi sey cigneyip gevis getirmek... bizim memleketin okuzden bozma adamlarina da ciplaklik var burada dedigin anda akillari otomatik olarak sadece seks ve cinsellige gidiyor... Hos, ciplakligin sozunu etmeden onlerine cirkin olmayan herhangi bir kadin koydugunda da akillari oraya ucuveriyor, ya neyse... Sanki insanoglunun isterik hayvanlardan farkli olabilmesinin tek yolu giyinmek ve ortunmekten geciyor ve bu durumda irade denen seyin hayatlarimizda hicbir fonksiyonu yok!!!

Yani cirilciplak gezinmek ilk bakista cok normal olmayabilir ama kadinin yok omzu, yok saci, yok kasi, burnu, tirnaginin kosesi derken her bokundan tahrik olmak mi daha garip, oteki mi dersen bence hic tartismasiz bizimkiler cok daha hastalikli ve icten ice curuk bir bakisa sahipler!"

 

Haberturk: Dünyanın en çıplak kenti!

(Cap d'Agde)

On Rape and Bob Beckel...

I've been reading some blog posts in response to Bob Beckel's comments on rape and the more I read the more disappointed I get... It's infuriating how clueless and cruel people can be when they think they personally aren't affected by a certain issue... do people really think that all rape victims(survivors) are or should be brave and/or emotionally strong enough to report what happens to them as soon as it happens? Do you honestly think you could "always" tell if someone you know had been raped at one point in her life?... I admit, it may sometimes feel like a scarlet A, but the truth is unless they/we want you to know about something so private, you could never guess, because often the first thing we learn to do afterwards is how to hide those scars. Because rape survivors/victims are generally conditioned and taught to blame themselves for the attack (unless someone with better understanding of the issue reminds them not to...), more often than not they will be ashamed and try to forget and bury the whole thing, pretend it never happened....

The 10 Minutes From Dreaming to Awake...

For 10 minutes today, I didn't remember you were gone, and no longer just a phone call away... For 10 minutes I was able to imagine maybe having a wedding day someday... For just 10 minutes I was whole again, feeling warm and cherished the way I had all my life, being your little girl. As the fog of sleep slowly lifted, and reality started seeping in, I got the strongest urge to call you, just to hear your voice and make sure you weren't mad at me for somethIng since you hadn't called in a while, only to remember you couldn't pick up. You could only watch over me from far, far away... where I couldn't see or feel you. And all I had left of you were a few photos and childhood videos, old T-shirts that I often sleep in and the memory of once upon a time, feeling truly loved. I miss you...

The Love Letter

"The Love Letter ;)

Leaving You...

I didn't leave because you made me cry
And i didnt leave without a good reason why...
It wasn't about falling in and out of love,
And it wasn't about loyalty getting shoved.

Now and Then

Those who come before,
pillage and plunder,
creating scars that never truly heal.
And then...
Those who come after,
often pay the price when, in vain
they try to help you deal
with the endless residual pain
that renders you so numb, you can hardly feel.

Book Review: Wallbanger, by Alice Clayton

If all you need is a side of steam with your good laugh, Wallbanger, by Alice Clayton will definitely do!

Click to purchase on Amazon

snippet

‎It's either me or that damn dog/cat... You can't have both!" ... said the typically dense and stupid guy, as if he could ever have stood any chance against the cutest and most cuddly ball of fur on the planet?!... For the millionth time over the past couple weeks, she sighed inwardly, wondering if men would ever learn to compromise and maybe pick their battles?

A Magical New Year's...

An explosion of colorful fireworks celebrated the invasion of 2012 by 2013 as many people celebrated the arrival of hope along with the new year. 

On the Newtown Shooting...

Why do people always seem to exploit tragedies to further some type of political agenda? 

Just One More Night

For just one night,
I want to turn back the clock,
Let go of all past heartbreaks and scars, 

I want to melt into your welcoming arms...

First dance that night away,
Then lounge on a grassy clearing,
gazing at the stars...
For just one night,
I want to turn back the clock,
And remember the feeling,
Of belonging in your arms...

Half Awake

If you ever call for me
Know that I'll be around...
You know I've felt lost most of my life,
Every single day,
I keep waiting to be found...
I keep waiting for my phone to just ring,
And wake me from this never-ending sleep
Where all my old dreams lie dead in shallow graves,
All of them either battared, neglegted or drowned.



I used to think you would be the one,
To right my world that had turned upside down,
To steer my ship back to happiness and calm.
But I guess I was blind all along
or maybe I was just wrong...
or maybe I just waited too long...
All I know is this morning I woke up
And my life had passed me by,
My youth and dreams, and all my interrupted feelings...
Everything was gone.
Somewhere along the way,
I must have fallen asleep...
And when I woke up,
Everyone had moved on...

Acceptance

Why does my heart still steer me wrong,

Every time I hear our song?
Tell me,
How can my feelings still be so strong,
After all that we've been through, needlessly...
Only hurting one another,
for so long?
When will the nasty butterflies
in my core cease to throng,
With renewed hope, leading me astray,
Each time your eyes
take a tiny break to land my way?
Show me,
What will it finally take my heart,
To put away her dream of "us"
And once and for all admit that,
You and I together, do not belong?

Fickle Sea

I trusted blindly,
In every word you said.
You said jump,
And I only asked when...
I let your lies guide me all the way,
Into unexplored terrain,
Not once thinking,
You might abondon me again...

Worthy

I gave you all of me,
Knowing better,
but still hoping you'd one day
open you eyes and see
that all that I gave,
that all that I was,
was precious enough
to truly cherish,
deserving,
of love and loyalty...
I hoped you'd see
that it was worth the risk
For us to try and be,
a "we" rather than
a separate you,
And a lonesome old me...

Reset

Wish as I may that life had a keyboard,
One like this computer that I currently hold…
I need to accept that the button to “reset”,
Only exists in the virtual world.

In games and in print,
You can usually go back…
Hit delete or reset, and immediately,
You’ll have your slate blank.

But real life doesn’t work that way.
You can’t turn back the clock and you can’t go back.
You can never un-say words that have already been uttered,
Or piece back together hearts that have already been shattered….
And no, you can’t take back memories,
Good or bad,
Experience sticks with you forever, once it’s been had.

In games and in print,
You can usually go back…
Hit delete or reset, immediately,
You’ll have your slate blank.

But time doesn’t work that way.
You can’t go back,
To the days when life was simple…
To the days when life was fun…
You can’t relive your first kiss or love,
Even if you regret how you did them the first time around.
Because there’s just no “reset” button in life to take you back.

Seventeen was ages ago,
And its magic has since vanished once and for all,
With that first heartbreak,
That paved the way for them all.

There was magic then in your heart,
Before it got painted with tears…
There was hope in you world,
Before it got tainted with fears…
Before you ended up alone and jaded,
All thanks to the many wasted years…
And since nothing ever topped that first love…
Even after all these years,
Only the first is remembered still,
Only the first stubbornly perseveres.

Book Review: Avoiding Commitment, by K.A. Linde

Looking for a book recommendation to intrigue and satisfy the masochist within? Look no further than Avoiding Commitment, by Indie Author K.A. Linde!! 

...(Click to purchase on Amazon)

Like a car crash... You know it's gonna hurt but you can't make yourself not look... Avoiding Commitment is a beautiful emotional rollercoaster that makes you want to cry one minute, and punch something the next.... (and for those of us who've had trouble letting go in the past, it's a very honest and tragic portrait of that feeling we're all too familar with...) 5 stars!!!!

Avoiding Commitment

by K.A. Linde

Like a car crash... You know it's gonna hurt but you can't make yourself not look... Avoiding Commitment is a beautiful emotional rollercoaster that makes you want to cry one minute, and punch something the next.... (and for those of us ...

tagged:
adult, love-triangle, and avoiding-series-ka-linde

Avoiding Responsibility

by K.A. Linde

Though not as powerful as the first book in the Avoiding Series (Avoiding Commitment), Avoiding Responsibility is a gripping continuation of Lexi's story. The book picks up around the time of Jack(the ultimate a*hole)'s bachelor party a...

tagged:
adult, love-triangle, and avoiding-series-ka-linde

Avoiding Intimacy

by K.A. Linde

tagged:
to-read and avoiding-series-ka-linde

1- Avoiding Commitment, K.A. Linde (Click to purchase on Amazon)

2- Avoiding Responsibility, K.A. Linde

3- Avoiding Intimacy, K.A. Linde (Click to purchase on Amazon)

Umut

Cocuksu bir saflikla inanan,
hayran gozlerle doyamadan baktim yuzune,
Titreyerek, nefes nefese...
Yildizlarin altinda vazgecip kendimden,
herseyimi verdim ben sana o gece.
Sevmedigini bilsem de kalbimin derinliklerinde,
Yalan askina isteyerek guvendim,
Sonuna kadar, gozlerim kapali.
Seni istedim,
Seni sevdim.

Cehalet Mutluluktur!!

"Bir orospu bile Berrak'la dolasmamali." lise yillarimin en can yakici cumlelerinden biri olmakla beraber bana korku, paranoya ve haksizliga ugramanin nasil duygular oldugunu belki de ilk defa somut denebilicek kadar yogun bir bicimde yasatan cumleydi. Yalnizlik ve dislanmak yabanci duygular degildi belki ama o gune kadar kiz kardesim haricinde kimsenin benden gercekten nefret edebilecegini dusunmuyordum.( Kiz kardesimse zaten hem beni cok sevip hem nefret ettiginden sevgisi nefretini dengeliyordu ve bu yuzden cok fazla canimi yakmiyordu.) Ne de olsa hayatimda kimseye kasten kotuluk yapmamistim. Tabi ki hatalarim vardi, insanlara zor isiniyor ve belki bazilarini ayiriyordum. Kimini en ufak hatada silerken, kiminin her hatasini gormezden gelmeyi secebiliyordum. Fakat bu bile zarari baskalarindan cok bana olan bi tavir oldugundan nefretin hayatimda yeri olabilecegi, birilerinin durup dururken bana bu kadar tepkili olabilecegi asla aklimin ucundan bile gecmemisti.

Dokunma

Dokunma,
Dokunsan aglayacak gibiyim diyorum,
Dokunmuyorlar...
Dokulmeyen goz yaslarimi
biriktiriyorum ben de...
Tane tane,
Bir bir,
akiyorlar
alttan alttan,
icime, sinsice...
Gorunmez,
kokusuz,
su tadinda zehir damlalari,
Kalbime akip yerlesiyorlar sessizce.
Yavas yavas,
Adim adim,
Yaraliyorlar benligimi biriktikce...


Zaman yaralari sarar dedikce,
Bir yorgunluk,
Bir umutsuzluk,
Cokuyor.
Yayiliyor git gide...
Yuregim delik desik,
O akamayan yaslarin actigi
derin delikler,
Zamana yenilip, baska yaralar gibi
kapanmiyorlar bir turlu nedense...
Dokunma,
Dokunsan aglayacak gibiyim dedigimde
Dokunmak lazim belki de...

Ama birak,
Ugrastigina degmeyebilir...
Ondan dokunma sen bence,

Kendi keyfine bak sadece.

Bosluk

Gozu gormeyene uzuluyoruz,
Gunes batiminda renklerin dansini seyredemiyor diye,
Kulagi duymayana uzuluyoruz
Hayat muziksiz eksik kalir diye,
Yuruyemeyen cocuga uzuluyoruz
Kosup oynamadan cocukluk mu olur diye...
Butun bu insanlara aciyoruz rastladikca
Hayatlarini bir turlu eksik yasiyorlar diye de;
Bu saydiklarimizin hepsini yapabilirken,
Kalbi buz kesmis, sevgisiz yasamaya mahkumlara
Donup de bakmiyoruz bir saniye bile...
Sanki sevgisizlik hepsinden fena eksik yasamak degilmis gibi,
Birakiyoruz onlari kendi hallerine,
Hic yasamadan olmeyi beklesinler
Sevgisiz geldikleri gibi sevgisiz gitsinler diye...

Ozlem

Herseyin ilaciymis zaman,
Gectikce alisirmisim ozlemine...
Papagan gibi tekrarlanan
cumlelerle avutuluyorum,
cocuk gibi, gun gectikce.
Kimse karsima cikip adam gibi,
Konusmuyor tum ciplakligiyla gercekleri...
Hep ozleyeceksin, hep aciyacak icin,
Bedenler topraga karistiginda bile gecmeyecek,
Sevindiginde de uzuldugunde de,
Elin telefona gidecek hep, hatirlayana dek.
Sonra yalniz ve korunmasiz hissedeceksin kendini,
Eskisinden de cok...
Terk edilmis...
Bilsen de isteyerek gitmedigini kizacaksin bazi gunler,
Haksizlik bu diye haykirmak isteyeceksin belki de,
Herkes susacak tas kesilip,
korkup halinden...
Iste boyle bir sey bu ozlem.

Hatalar Denizi

Hatalar denizi
Hoyrat,
Calkantili...
Dalgalari Islatiyor bir bir yaralarimi,
Derin derin kanatiyor unutulmayanlar.
Kactikca gecmisten akintiya karsi direnip,
Yuzdukce yoruluyor,
Suda batiyor hantal bedenim.
Hatalar denizinde,
Karanlik hatiralarimla basbasa,
sessizce boguluyorum...
Deniz merhametsiz.
Yaralarsa merhemsiz....
Zayif ve yorgunum artik,
Hayata karsi hep yenik...
Gecmek bilmiyor gunlerim,
ben eski ben degilim...
kalmamis artik hic,
O eski savasci ruhumdan bugune iz.